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Group Therapy: We Wanted a Threesome, but Now I Want Out

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I have have been tossing around the idea of having a threesome. I stated a couple months ago that it was something I fantasized about, and he of course thought it was a fantastic idea! He is willing to have a threesome with another guy if I'm willing to have one with another girl — we agreed on those terms. I picked the guy, a good friend of ours who lives out of state that we hardly see, and now that I gave him a name for the guy, he wants to choose a girl.

Here's where my problem lies. He recently named a girl he works with (that I have never liked) to be the other woman. His reasoning for choosing her is because she's had threesomes before, but now I'm starting to have second thoughts about it altogether. I feel myself getting jealous and I think it could be destructive for our relationship. How do I break it to him that I changed my mind? I feel like he may never forgive me for going back on my word.

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Group Therapy: My First Love Had Become Obese

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I met my first love when I was very young and I thought he was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. We dated for years — he was my best friend and my lover. Two years ago we had an extremely difficult breakup. Ever since, I occasionally cry in bed thinking about him, but we haven't been in touch since the split. I still love him dearly, and I know I'll never be able to love anyone as much I loved him, although I'm currently in a new relationship.

A couple of days ago, out of curiosity and boredom, I started looking for him online. I came across a website of someone he's close with and was able to find a few of pictures of him. To my surprise, I could hardly recognize him. He had always been on the slender side, but he seemed to have gained an enormous amount of weight. Since then, I am so worried for him that I constantly go back to that website to take another look at those pictures of him. I am concerned for his health and curious to know what caused this massive change. If I try to get in touch with him, I know we will end up getting back together but I can't bear to go through what we went through before our breakup again. I just don't know what to do. Should I leave him alone or reach out to him?

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My Daughter Slept With My Ex Boyfriend

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 07:48:44 -0700

Dear everyone, I am faced with a very big dilemma: my sixteen year old daughter's activities. She has had a rough year dealing with very strong drug addictions and alcohol. When I asked her why, she said because she was unhappy with her life and that none of it was my fault. Through this tough time, I sent her to a rehabilitation camp for underage drug victims. While she was at camp, I started a love affair with a 25 year old man who never met my daughter. After 6 months, we broke up because of the tough divorce problems I was facing. My daughter came out of rehab 4 months later and told me she wanted to introduce me to her new boyfriend. Diner was on the table and I opened the front door to find my daughter and my ex boyfriend waiting for diner. Eventually over diner, my daughter figured out he and I once 'dated'. After a brief talk with my daughter, I figured out they had been having sex with each other.
Things have become very awkward between my daughter and I and we haven't been speaking in nearly 8 months now.
Please ladies, tell me,
what can I do to make this hurtful situation better?

Group Therapy: My Sister-in-law Betrayed Me

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Recently my sister-in-law and I were both pregnant at the same time. My daughter came first in May and then she had her son in October. Even though we weren't really a close set of couples, we are still family. When it came to baptizing our daughter, we chose my brother and sister-in-law to be the godparents. My husband and I assumed that we would be asked the same honor of their son; however, my nephew's baptism is coming up and they still hadn't said anything to us. I asked my mother, who then broke down crying when she told me that they chose my other sister-in-law and her husband over us. I feel very stabbed in the back. I called my brother to explain that I was hurt about this decision, but he didn't seem to understand. Now I just feel stupid and hurt and I almost regret choosing them to be the godparents of my child. The baptism is coming up but I just can't seem to let go of this anger I feel. Am I wrong to be jealous and hurt that I wasn't chosen? Please help with any advice so I won't let this ruin my feelings for my brother and his wife altogether!

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Group Therapy: How Do I Deal With His Ex Situation?

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. He's nice, caring, and funny. We see each other almost every day and have yet to get into even a minor squabble, let alone an actual fight. Things are basically perfect. But here's the problem: his crazy ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and in all likelihood, it's his. She lied about having an abortion a few months ago, came barreling back into our lives, and is now well into her second trimester and drinking like a sailor at night, while shopping for baby clothes the next morning.

Thankfully, I am only secondarily involved in the situation. It's my boyfriend who really has to deal with her and the child for the rest of his life. But I just don't know how to manage all this. I have a very high-stress and demanding job and I am only 25, too young to take on such an issue. And frankly, I just don't want to. I didn't make the irresponsible choices they did, and I don't want to suffer for it. If I would end it when the baby comes, should I just end it now? I want to be there for him through this, but in the end, it's just going to become a more complicated situation. I just can't even imagine what my responsible boyfriend ever saw in this girl. What do I do?

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How can I go back on what I said?

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:21:04 -0800

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months and I know he's the one. I can feel it. The other night we were talking about our families and marriage in general, and in order not to freak him out, I made some negative jokes about getting married and having kids.

I totally didn't mean what I said. I overcompensated out of fear of looking too eager to talk about a future with him. I'm afraid my remarks may have given him the wrong impression about what I want for us.

So, how can I bring up the topic again and let him know I was joking, that I do want marriage and a family someday relatively soon?

Need advice about a guy... already posted once just want more advice to make the right decision.. please comment..

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:22:23 -0800

There is this guy in my class. I have had a crush on him since the beginning of the semester.. I knew he had a girlfriend so i didnt dare go for him. Out of the blue we started talking. And flirting... The conversations got really hott and heavy. It was decided by myself as long as he was taken we werent going to go any further. Meaning nothing sexual, etc. He was all about having sex with me and getting with me. Also his girlfriend cheated on him and had sex with another guy about 2 weeks ago. I dont see why he would stay with this girl when she had sex with someone else So a couple of days ago we hung out and he cheated on his girlfriend with me, we made out for 2 hours. I know its not much but its enough to be considered cheating. At this point we have talked about being together and its iffy because he says he still love his girlfriend. I dont see how he can still love his girlfriend after making out with me for 2 hours and knowing she had sex with someone else. I need help!!! I like this guy a lot and i want him to go for me and get rid of this girl. What do i do???? Do i continue to make out with this kid?? I dont want to be led on but i dont want him to be out of my life yet?? Also something i should throw in there that some people see as a big deal but i dont.. Im 21 years old and he is 18 years old. HELP!!!!

would it be inappropriate to move in with the boyfriend?

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 10:36:13 -0800

i am 18 and going to be attending college soon. Its a few hours from here and i have had an amazing boyfriend for a year now. The college that im going to be attending does not have room and board, so i am going to be getting an apartment either alone or with 4 girls from the school. I was wondering if it would be inappropriate to get an apartment with my boyfriend? i dont know what my mother would think, so i wanted advice first. I love my boyfriend and dont want to have to leave him behind. And if getting an apartment together is not a good idea, what could i do?

The meaning behind what he DOESN'T tell you?

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:46:07 -0800

This is long, but please read:
My boyfriend & I work at a strip club and I have strict rules about certain things there, one of which is I don't want him giving any of the dancers a ride home. This was agreed upon a long time ago and has never received any argument from my boyfriend. The other night, some dancer & I were talking after the club closed and she was very drunk and asked me out of the blue if I remembered when she hit my boyfriend's car...I said I didn't know anything about it. She looked a little nervous and even somewhat scared and instantly shut up. Within minutes, though - she was talking about it and telling me that one night my boyfriend drove his car out of the club with her following behind (they were supposed to drop her car off at a nearby store and then he was supposed to drive her back to the club, apparently) but they never made it to the store because she rear ended him just as they left the club parking lot. According to her, the damage to his car was pretty bad, so she offered to pay for it. Also according to her, this incident took place at least 2 months before his car was actually FIXED. So, she then goes on to explain how my boyfriend hooked her up with his friend who is a mechanic, so she could get a good deal as she was paying for both his car as well as hers. She insisted they didn't drive there together and she couldn't stop telling me how she was surprised he never said anything about it and she also told me how much he loves me and how pretty I am...very bizarre, random crap. I remembered the time my boyfriend took his car into his friend's to get it fixed: he had told me to not be worried if I didn't see his car at his house that night since he was dropping it off at his friend's house that night to get it fixed. When I asked him what was wrong with his car, he said it just had some "dings." He didn't ever tell me HOW he got the so called dings. According to the dancer, it was much worse than just some dings. When I confronted him about it, he said he was afraid to tell me about the accident because we had had a fight that night. I pointed out that the cars did not get fixed until months later and he could have told me then but he didn't. Now I am wondering WHY he witheld this information from me. He said he did nothing wrong, so if he did nothing wrong, why did he hide it from me? If she hadn't told me, I never would have found out! So, I can't help but wonder why he felt like keeping it from me. He's the type to tell me all the details of every part of his life, even if I don't ask...He assured me they didn't drive together. He said she wanted to drive together, but he said no. So, according to him - he gave her his friend's number, he took his car to his friend for an estimate, she took her car in a different time to get it fixed and he told me he told her he would only bring his car over after she'd left, which he swears he did.
I asked him why he was trying to help her get a good deal on the price, like, why did he care if she was paying for it and he said he wanted to help his mechanic friend out with some business. Oh and by the way, he also helps this dancer out all the time at the club, she makes the most money out of anyone because he always sets her up with all the good customers. Other dancers have often complained about that to me and when I ask my boyfriend why he always uses her, he tells me she tips him the best. I know other girls have offered to tip my boyfriend well but he still only uses this one particular girl. I can't help but wonder if I am being taken for the fool. I feel pretty stupid right now. Tell me, am I imagining this or was there truly nothing behind him not telling me?

is there a chance of we getting together again, after THIS break up?

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:04:18 -0800

I am 25 years old. here is the story.

a month ago:

I reunite with this friend of college, we get together a couple of times more in a few parties of friends in common.Then he tells me suddenly that he likes me since college, that he didn't saw any interest of my part, so he let me away and went to have a couple of GF, one of whom he was gonna married, but didn't.

A week ago:
after a couple of dates, he went to see me to my house, we went to movies, etc, I finally tell him I did want to be her GF.After a lot of years (5 years!) without BF, I told myself "you do like him, give it a shot!"I talked to a couple of our friends, to see how they think about it, they didn't tell me not to, but tell me "well, he had a long relation ship, he was going to get married, he could get weird…" and some other things. But I wanted to feel it my way.

a couple of days ago:
after 4 very happy days, I feel so nice with him, we could talk, and laugh and kiss, etc, one day, out of nowhere, I swear I didn't see it coming, he told me that he thought things thoroughly and that he had make a mistake, that he isn't ready, that he had unresolved issues about his ex. I took it very calm in front of him, that I knew about his past, that it was OK. When he left, and I saw my sister in law I start crying, I can't understand clearly why. I felt so good with him, I was having a very nice time, and I tell you, I didn't see it coming! We were OK one day, the next day, literally, he broke up things.

Now:
I talked to a couple of friends and 2 of them told me that maybe, maybe we still have a chance if he resolved his issues. We did break up nicely (uh!?) That he was sincere and he need it more time. This was only a week ago. So WHAT TO YOU THINK?

A man is only as sick as his secrets.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:15:09 -0800

Not one to normally watch "Desperate Housewives" I managed to catch an episode. This statement, "A man is only as sick as his secrets" was in this episode. It did not take me long to realize that this show is mostly about hiding one's secrets and what happens to these women that attempt to hide things. I thought it would be interesting to open a place to post those secrets we have held onto for far too long. So...post anonymously or otherwise...and get it off your chest and get rid of the guilt.

Group Therapy: Stuck in the Same Rut

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I've been in a long on-again, off-again "fling" with a guy that has a regular cycle of breaking up with me when I say I want something more serious. He admits he has a problem opening up and that it's very hard for him to discuss (or even understand) his own emotions, which is why things have never really worked out between us. Then, every time I think it's over, he reaches out to me again. We've both briefly dated other people, but we are each other's number ones.

In the last few months, he has sporadically burst out with his emotions about his confused feelings for me and last week he suddenly told me he loved me!! I know he hasn't said the L word to anyone for a long, long time so I would say this is forward progress on opening up. However, since then we haven't discussed anything and I'm now paralyzed by fear — I don't want to jinx it. Should I just see what happens or should I say something? I know we can't walk away from each other but I feel like we can't move forward either. What do I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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