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So my boyfriend of four months says he needs a break….

So my boyfriend of four months says he needs a break….

Fri, 09/26/2008 - 1:40pm by Anonymous
319 Views - 5 comments

We have a history - we dated last year on and off for about six months. Each time I was the one who ended things basically because although he was so sweet to me, I wasn't quite finished being miserable over an ex from a year prior. While things did not end well last summer (my fault), we started talking again in April and dating again in June. We talked everything out that had happened and decided to start fresh because I realized what I had messed up and he still had really strong feelings for me and what we could have been. Things this time around have been amazing and we've even discussed moving in together and marriage next summer (he's 33 I'm 31). There is a lot of "I love you so much" and him calling me his future wife, or there was until last weekend. All of the sudden he says we need to talk and he's scared, overwhelmed and feeling rushed (please keep in mind all the talk about moving in, marriage and how cute our kids will be was all initiated by him) and he doesn't know what to do. He says he thinks that he rushed into the relationship too fast with me this time around because he had just ended things with another girl (and for background she was apparently mentally unstable and there was a lot of turmoil in that relationship) and because he was so happy to hear from me again. He says he isn't regretting being with me, just that he wishes we had taken it slower in the beginning because now things are moving too fast and while he loves me, he's just "overwhelmed". So, now here I am in the "waiting room" so to speak waiting to see if my love (who I truly think is the one) is going to break my heart by ending things because he's just feeling overwhelmed or if he really is just stressed out and needs some space. I'm trying to be cool about it but he knows I'm devastated and physically and emotionally exhausted trying to figure out what is going on. He says he is sorry and that he is worried about me, but that he just needs "time" to figure things out. That isn't really helping me cope with the situation.

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5 Comments Add a Comment

  • 1

    Okay, first thing is to take a big deep breath and realize that you'll fine with or without this guy. You are your own person and you have your own life and if he leaves it, it's not the end of the world. Focus on this. Get peace of mind, whatever it takes.

    You have two options.

    1) You can end it before he gets a chance to under the assumption that if he were really into you he wouldn't need to take a step back.

    2) You can let him take a step back. Tell him you're sad about this but you understand. Go out with friends, go out on a date if you have to. Whatever it takes to just live your own life without spending every waking moment wondering.

    Personally, it sounds to me like he's in the same situation this year that you were last year. He started dating you pretty soon after another relationship ended and he's realizing it was a bad idea. You eventually came around, and he might do the same thing.

    Situations like this suck, no question. It's really hard to not know where you stand. I just always try to get some peace of mind that my life will be a good one and a happy one no matter what.

    Good luck!

    9 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • 2

    i agree with popgoestheworld.

    it does seem like you two rushed it and the best thing for both of you is to just take a step back and relax. talking marriage and kids after only a few months even if it was his doing is never a good idea. i think its good to be on the same page but i can see where he got overwhelmed. i really do think he cares about you and does want to make it work but he's getting the cold feet already and the more you push the issue and try to hold on the farther away he will try to get from you.

    its a bad situation to be in and there is really no way of really knowing where this "break" is heading without being pushy about it. I would just agree with him and let him know that you won't fall to pieces without him. He'll see that you are secure and don't need to be with him.

    If it's really meant to be he will see that really soon but the key to making that work is definitely giving him space and taking some time for yourself too.

    good luck.

    9 weeks 5 days ago Report Comment
  • 4

    The fact that you 2 have broken up and gotten back together so many times makes me think these are dysfunctional patterns of behaviour in your relationship. I think that you are not telling us the whole story here, because it makes no sense that you would break up and get back together multiple times just because of an ex. I think that there are some fundamental problems with your relationship that go way beyond anything you have written here. In some ways, I agree with Luisa here, I think that if this was a healthy and normal relationship, you would not have broken up so many times in the past. If you still want to be with him, then use the break to examine what YOU really want out of this situation, and don't contact him. Is being in this relationship a truly positive and healthy thing for you? Good luck to you.

    9 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • 5

    It sounds like he wanted to play house, but you wanted the real thing. This alone makes the two of you incompatible.

    6 weeks 49 min ago Report Comment

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