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Cyber-Bullying — Who's Responsible in Computer Tragedies?

Tue, 04/01/2008 - 7:11am by CitizenSugar
9,919 Views - 47 comments

This morning Good Morning America had an exclusive interview with Ashley Grills. If that name doesn't ring a bell, the story about the teenage girl who committed suicide after succumbing to a MySpace prank might. Grills, 19, admitted that she was part of the plan to create a fake persona on MySpace to start a fake online romance with a 13-year-old neighbor, Megan Meier.

Grills insisted that she was not the only adult involved in the tragic prank which led the vulnerable Meier to commit suicide after her fake online boyfriend and others began making nasty comments about her. Grills has testified to a grand jury that Lori Drew, 47, the mother of one of Meier's friends, was actively involved in creating the account and wrote some of the messages to Meier. Drew and her attorney deny that charge. To see why the case is being re-examined, read more.

Grills said, "we were just combining ideas about how we can figure out what Megan was saying about Lori's daughter. It was all three of us — me and Lori and her daughter." Drew was never charged with a crime in the initial case, but now may be facing federal fraud charges. Grills said she did the interview to show, "that I'm not heartless. I do know what I did and I take responsibility for it every day."

Megan Meier's mother has said, "It's pathetic. It's pathetic that we as a society do not have laws to protect our children or to protect us in general from somebody being able to hide behind a computer and do these despicable things." Meier's mother has turned her MySpace page into a memorial.

Are laws the answer? Is it even possible to determine in sad cases like this, who is responsible? Should networking sites like MySpace have tighter controls? Should parents more closely monitor relationships their children have online, or should there be tight minimum age controls on networking sites? Is the government responsible for prosecuting fraud when tragedy strikes?

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47 Comments Add a Comment

  • raciccarone's picture
    raciccarone
    2

    Her suicide is sad and of course tragic, but maybe ... and I'm just flying blind here, maybe her parents could take some responsibility instead of blaming a MySpace page?

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Shopaholichunny's picture
    Shopaholichunny
    3

    Very Sad. I was watching it on GMA this morning. Racic you are right. The parents should take some responsibility but at the same time they can't stop her from having a myspace. There is internet everywhere.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • nyaradzom2001's picture
    nyaradzom2001
    4

    I'm amazed by how little sef esteem, that being called names wil make someone kill herself, kids have these days. Man i was a complete nerd al through junior schoola nd high chool and igot the brunt of a lot of verbal and psychological bullying but I never let it get me that down, i always knew I'd have the last laugh and that my family loved me like that and that was enough for me.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • hausfrau's picture
    hausfrau
    5

    Sy - that is a really interesting article!

    In the article its stated that megans parents did lay down some rules for her in regards to myspace - "1. Your dad and I are the only ones who know the password. 2. It has to be set to ‘private.’ 3. We have to approve the content. 4. We have to be in the room at all times when you’re on MySpace.”

    But of course parents can't be there all the time...

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • NadiaPotter's picture
    NadiaPotter
    6

    well... even if I think the suicide wasn't my space fault, because suicidal people have many many reasons to do those things, I think that yes, myspace should do something about nasty comments, I mean that is not myspace purpose, to let people communicate their fails, it is a friendly social network so...

    but i do think that when someone is writing mean things to other people, is more like telling that of themselve.. an example.. when I read that someone just call b**** or w**** to someone on a comment, myself is thinking that the person that actually write that is the evil one... but that's just me.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • NadiaPotter's picture
    NadiaPotter
    7

    wow i didn't make a point

    I do think my space should have more control and I do believe parents should monitored more their children, what they do online... it is called LET THEIR CHILDREN HAVE AN EXTRA ACTIVITY! (i had dance while my bros have karate, and then we all have 2 or 3 years of baseball, and the i grew up...sniff..)

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • silly3's picture
    silly3
    8

    Syako - I was just about to post that New Yorker article too! It's good to have background on the story and I'm glad to see some follow-up and a grand jury investigation. Kids are nasty to each other all the time (not always in excusable ways), but I think Lori Drew's alleged actions, as a parent, take this incident to the next level.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    9

    Agreed with silly3--I am still shocked that an adult would ever do this to anyone, let alone a child.

    Parents do need to step up more, but as has been pointed out, Megan's parents did lay down rules and try to enforce them as much as possible. I don't think one can really blame either MySpace or Megan's parents. The fault lies with Lori Drew and the rest of the idiots she got involved in this cruel prank.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • syako's picture
    syako
    10

    And megan did have extracurriculars. "She loved going fishing with her dad, watching horror movies, and playing with her Chihuahua, Barry. Around the neighborhood, she maintained a reputation for fearlessness.For years, she had served as the self-appointed guardian of a blind boy at her school, leading him through the hallways between classes."

    And she had to get permission to add friends - including the made up friend that the drews created to find out whether megan was saying mean things about their daughter Puzzled

    "“Can I add him, Mom, please, please?” Megan said.
    Tina eventually gave in. “You can add him,” she said, “but if there’s one cross word delete him. If he’s, like, ‘Hey, hot stuff, you wanna come meet me?,’ bloop, gone.”
    ...Tina says that she called the police to try to find out whether Josh was legitimate, to no avail."

    So that's even sadder that all these things - parent supervision, extra curriculars, etc. - were happening and this still ended the way it did...

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    11

    parents should be accountable for what their children are doing on the internet. it's unprecedented territory. on the internet, your children can basically enter any possible adult situation out there.

    in defense of the girl who killed herself, I've suffered anxiety and depression in my life, and thoughts are not exactly rational, to say the least. it breaks my heart that she took it to that extreme, that no one was there to show her the big picture, to tell her it was all going to be okay. Maybe there was just no way anyone could stop it.

    Bullying is part of life. Everyone is going to experience it. Yet, parents should be responsible for teaching their kids how to take what's dished out to them. Also, you should teach your child to be a decent human being, and not be a little peice of crap. No law is going to make this happen, or change the fact that there are some lousy, awful people out there.

    I can't see what Myspace could do to change this situation. In the long run, you are responsible for YOURSELF in the world and no one else.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • NadiaPotter's picture
    NadiaPotter
    12

    wow.. then this is sadder.

    i mean if she had attention... what make her change his view of life?, this gets worst by the second...

    of course the "responsible" adult that help to build the profile should be charged by all laws... (i mean, i can't imagine my mom doing investigations to see if someone is being mean at me... and that far??)

    Still think myspace should have more control about comments. Like in the first times when we have to do a lot of things before posting something.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • syako's picture
    syako
    13

    kris - I think from what we've posted from the New Yorker article the parents in this situation did try to do a helluva lot more than I'm sure most parents are currently doing.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • nyaradzom2001's picture
    nyaradzom2001
    14

    Why would a grown woman want to take down a girl who's barely a teenager, she clearly had way way too much time on her hands.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    15

    "she clearly had way way too much time on her hands."

    And lots of unresolved high school issues, apparently.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    16

    I know Syako, I read it. I was just saying that in general about parents. I wasn't implying that the deceased girl's parents didn't do enough. And by saying maybe there was just nothing that anyone could do about it, I meant that they did all they could. By pointing out the parents responsibilities, I was trying to lead up to my point about how I think Myspace could hardly control this kind of situation. Reading about the girl, it seems like her moods were volatile her whole life. thanks for pointing it out. my generalization was probably too broad. I mean, cant you guys read my mind? Smiling

    Honestly, the young girl reminds me of me. There were times when it wouldn't have mattered a bit what anyone told me. I was convinced of certain things, and my ideas only changed with maturity and hard-lessons.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    17

    No kidding, Jude! have you guys seen that show High School Reunion? I know it's a reality show, and probably half staged, but seriously! That is ridiculous. I sit there and wonder why 38 year olds don't have anything better to do or care about. Like jobs, kids, spouses, etc.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • syako's picture
    syako
    18

    I usually can read your mind - but for some reason today it's just a bit cloudy Eye-wink

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • hypnoticmix's picture
    hypnoticmix
    19

    I think the missing key here is a transcript of the actual slander against her. What I'm reading above and in the link provided by syako is that this was a socially healthy happy young lady with attentive responsible loving parents who before this tragedy began to manifest it self lived the picturesque life of an American family.

    What was said to shake her confidence. To strip her of her better judgment. To choose not to turn to her parents for interpretation who according to the article were in the room most if not all the time. That is the key that will make this puzzle a picture.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    20

    Thanks Syako, for the article. Really. The girl reminded me so much of me. I've learned that it's really helpful for me personally to read about others who have struggled with those kind of issues in childhood. Although I was not as volatile as she was, boy I can see a lot of similarities. It helps to look back and compare as an adult. It puts things in perspective.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • ktownpolarbear's picture
    ktownpolarbear
    21

    while it's a tragedy, and clearly the girl was having other issues, what the hell is a grown woman with a child the victim's age, and another grown woman doing, making this teenager's life hell?

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • syako's picture
    syako
    22

    Yeah I subscribe to the New Yorker and as much as I try I never can read more than one of the articles each issue they are just SO LONG! But that's why I like them, because they are usually well-researched and well written. Plus, my mom renews the subscription every year for Christmas, so I'm not paying a dime.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • CaterpillarGirl's picture
    CaterpillarGirl
    23

    Insecure girls grow up to be insecure women and bullying is terrible no matter how old you are, in this case it was two or three people who decided, with MALICE and INTENT to harm a child. I remember being 13 and thank god we didnt have the internet back than because it was hard enough face to face trying to survive teenage angst, i couldnt imagine surviving cyberspace. I told my husband this morning, that MySpace has done more harm than good to the world and should be just eliminated from existence.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • cubadog's picture
    cubadog
    25

    It just goes to show that unfortunately parents can not be everywhere. It is such a sad situation that could have been prevented if the so called adult acted like an adult and did not destroy a child. Preying on someone that is being treated for depression is horrifying. I hope that parents take notice and take bullying/name calling seriously. Nothing is worse for a child than being teased.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    26

    ha ha carterpillar! My friends from high school talked me into creating a myspace page so we could all keep up with each other. I thought it would be fun. THEN, once it all got going...it was eerily like high school all over again! It was creepy thinking about how hard junior high and high school would have been if we had had the internet. Back then, you decorated your binder or your locker, and that was your "space."

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • KrisSugar's picture
    KrisSugar
    28

    we did have email toward the end of high school, which allowed me to keep up with my boyfriend who moved out of state. I printed out his letters and poems on the dot matrix printer with perforated holes on the side. I have to thank technology for that bit of sweetness!

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • hausfrau's picture
    hausfrau
    29

    i think what disturbed me most about that article was that it states meghan was on meds for depression, then it states that she took vacations with the neighbors...

    ... so if she was on vacation with them, and she took medication daily, these people just didn't notice?

    that seems suspicious, which makes me feel like the neighbors knew she was emotionally suceptible to this kind of bullying.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • hausfrau's picture
    hausfrau
    30

    and i just read the above comments and realized everyone had pretty much said what i just did...

    wow... i suck!

    thats what you get for scanning and not reading entirely!

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • CaterpillarGirl's picture
    CaterpillarGirl
    31

    every single friend i had on myspace were people i actually knew, and now we have all deleted our accounts because we all realized how utterly immature and stupid the whole site really is, and pointless really, But kids? think its the sh*t, they get to post those cookie cuter pictures of themselves, you know the ones, hold the camera out or above and look all puppy dog like, its a legion of foreheads and eyeliner.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • smp7328's picture
    smp7328
    32

    I agree with Jude C "The fault lies with Lori Drew and the rest of the idiots she got involved in this cruel prank". Lori Drew has changed her story about how much she was "involved" with this situation. Her attitude during this entire ordeal is outrageous. How can anyone with a heart do something like this? It makes me sick. The authorities know that this account and the messages were sent from her home computer, yet she wants to sit there and act oblivious to it all. WTF? A beautiful young girl is dead because of a selfishly stupid act. She deserves to be punished, as do the other two people involved, even if they were kids. This type of bullying has got to stop. I was treated like crap when I was in school and I understand what it is like to have to go through rough times. But i will say that I can't imagine having to go through it in the age of MYSPACE and Facebook. That poor girl and her poor family. They shouldn't rest until those who had a hand in their daughter's death see justice.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • cubadog's picture
    cubadog
    33

    Hey KrisSugar I have tried to watch that Reunion show and thought these people are my age. No way! I had to turn it off because I was so embarrassed for them. My reunion is this summer and I can actually see some people from my high school still acting this way!

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • lula29's picture
    lula29
    34

    Thanks for the article Syako.

    Lori Drew deserves to be up under the jail. My God, this is a mother herself and the fact that she would expend energy to create a false persona to prey on a young girl blows my mind. In opinion this is no different then any other internet predator and she should punished.

    Myspace is not the problem. Before Myspace it was 3 way calls on a telephone where girls I used to know would dupe other girls into talking sh*t about a 3rd party who would secretly be on the other line. A beat down at school would ensue. I was never stupid enough to fall for that thank God.

    Teens are going to bully each other regardless to the medium they use to do it. What is different in this case is that the parents instead of putting things into perspective participate in the bullying. Megans parents did all they could. How could they know it was an ADULT!! not another child on the internet pushing their daughter over the edge.

    I blame the Drews 100%.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • MandyJoBo's picture
    MandyJoBo
    36

    The thing that has always stood out most about this story for me, is that Meghan's mother admitted that when Meghan came to her crying and distraught, she screamed at her and told her to get off the the computer.

    Her idea of protecting her child from online predators was to limit her time online, and when Meghan experience online-bullying, her idea of helping her was to shout at her to get off the computer.

    What the Meghan's ex-friend and her parents did was inexplicable and inhumane, but no one can make someone else commit suicide. Meghan's mother, as indicated by her reaction to Meghan before she killed herself, had never given her the love she needed to survive the world.

    33 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • calliope's picture
    calliope
    37

    Syako- Thank you for the link.

    I think that this story is so disturbing. Megan's parents did what normal parents with a teenager would do- tried to limit her online activity and keep an eye on her when she was online. Sadly, I know families like the Drews, who are bitter and jealous people, and would consider bullying a way of "keeping up" or "getting even" with the Joneses. I find the Drews to be mainly responsible for this considering they set up an fake persona to spy on Megan and basically try to trap her into saying something negative about their daughter. After this didn't work, they attempted to create drama and caused a young, confused girl to kill herself.
    I feel that Megan's parents did what they could. I can understand why her mother would want her to get off the computer if something on it was upsetting her so much, but unfortunately when you are that age (or older) things you read online bother long after you turn off the computer.

    33 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • lula29's picture
    lula29
    38

    MandyjoBo tons of parents aren't perfect. I'm sure Meghan's parents didn't expect an adult to prey on their daughter the way the Drews did. That's unforgivable to me. Not reacting correctly at the time, however, is forgivable to me.

    The Drews should be punished. They are internet predators IMO.

    33 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • thorswitch's picture
    thorswitch
    39

    MandyJoBo - my understanding is that Megan's mother had been having a very "off" day already. IIRC, she had to take one daughter in for I think a dental appointment, and had told Megan to log off of MySpace while she was gone. While she was at the dentist's office, Megan called her, distraught about what was being said, and her mother again told her to log off. When she got home, Megan was STILL online, and that was when she yelled at her to get off the computer. So I don't think it was a matter of her not giving Megan the love she needed, she was just very frustrated at that point because Megan wasn't supposed to be on MySpace while her parents weren't at home, and she'd not only violated that rule, but had already been told twice to log off. Were I a parent, I might get frustrated and yell at a kid to get off the computer too.

    The main point, though, is that I don't think that kind of behaviour was the norm for Megan's mom. It's tragic that she behaved that way in this particular situation, and it probably made the situation worse, but I don't see it as a symptom of her being inadequate as a parent overall.

    33 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • MandyJoBo's picture
    MandyJoBo
    40

    Here's a snippet from the article. You make a good point, thorswitch. But how often does this happen? How often does a little girl's heart break that it's not important enough to push aside a bad day and just be a mom?

    "Tina signed on. But she was in a hurry. She had to take her younger daughter, Allison, to the orthodontist.

    Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared some of Megan's messages with others.

    Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.

    "I will Mom," Megan said. "Let me finish up."

    Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the orthodontist's office she called Megan: Did you sign off?

    "No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me."

    "You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!"

    Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in tears.

    "They are posting bulletins about me." A bulletin is like a survey. "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat."

    Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not signed off.

    Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.

    "I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan.

    Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling Tina, "You're supposed to be my mom! You're supposed to be on my side!""

    33 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • moondancer01kb's picture
    moondancer01kb
    41

    This message is for Racic, not to "yell" at you or anything but this is to give you some facts about this girl's case (I hate typing comments because it's never certain if someone is yelling at you or not).
    Her parents only allowed 1 hour of computer time in the house and the computer was in the family room where there was a parent in sight. When Meghan was getting those messages from the neighbors she started to act strangely and her parents would ask her what was going on but she was too quick and closed out the pages before the parents could see anything. The parents really did the best they could. I mean you would think if at least one parent is in the room monitoring the computer and the girl only had one hour a day then something good was being done. Unfortunately it wasn't.
    Besides kids have access to computers in libraries and schools it's pretty easy to get around the parental figures. I won't blame the parents fully but I do feel they should have been a bit more proactive when their daughter was clearly in pain. Hopefully now she's just resting in peace. That's all anyone can really ask for.

    28 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment